ANDREW O’HARE
Student Voice Editor

Albert Jones waited for another offer. He knew that the next offer would be worth taking and his flight was in 20 minutes. The woman at the desk frowned, picked up the phone, and spoke, “We are offering a five hundred dollar travel voucher, five hundred miles, a meal voucher, a breakfast voucher, and hotel accommodations until the next available flight.”

Albert stood up. He had strategically placed himself in order to be the first person to accept an offer. He heard a low murmur amongst the assembled men and women. Husbands quietly debated wives. It was a good offer. He walked to the desk and accepted it.

The woman at the desk smiled through tired eyes. Albert Jones did not make small talk. He gave the necessary information. He received his vouchers. He went to Applebee’s and ordered chicken fingers. They weren’t terrible. He smothered them in honey mustard. Today wasn’t so bad after all.

***

Albert Jones hated small children. They were noisy, messy, and produced nothing but vomit, tears and shit. He could hear at least two of the insufferable beasts start crying at take off. The plane had not reached cruising altitude so he could not use his FAA-approved electronic devices to do any work. He chewed his gum and grimaced.

He waited for the announcement that the plane had reached cruising altitude. Any minute now. Bing. “The pilot has turned off the fasten seatbelt sign, indicating that you are free to move about the cabin. It is recommended that you keep your seatbelt on if you remain seated. You can also use all FAA-approved electronic devices at this time.” He pulled out a tablet and made a few spreadsheets. He watched a program crunch numbers. Earnings were up in the third quarter. Fourth quarter looked promising. He smiled. He put away the tablet and pulled out a large book. He cracked it and began reading.

***

Albert Jones braced for landing. The pilot demonstrated a superior lack of skill during the flight. Albert Jones had been on enough flights to know when to hold on. The pilot floated the plane and landed it hard on the pavement. It was not graceful. He cut the engines too hard and the front wheel bounced on the pavement. Albert Jones did not like hard landings.

When he was finally off the plane, he went to the Cinnabon in the terminal. He needed it. He ate his diabetes with all the dignity he could muster. He strode past baggage claim and got in a taxi. Albert Jones did not waste his money on luxuries such as limousines.

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