People might knock the television show Gossip Girl, which was a show that ran for six seasons from 2007-2012 on the CW Network, but there is actually a lot of truth to the show. For instance, one of the main characters, Dan Humphrey, lives in Brooklyn and constantly feels like an outsider on the Upper East Side. It doesn’t matter that he has an on-again-off again relationship with it-girl Serena van der Woodsen and is best friends with Nate Archibald. The fact is that Dan is always carrying a chip on his shoulder simply because he feels like he never fits in.
For example, one of the show’s main antagonists Blair Waldorf constantly criticizes Dan even though for a while she never really knew him. And it didn’t even matter when Dan became a successful writer; he was still looked down upon since, as Dan mentions in the last episode, the Upper East Side was so elite you couldn’t even buy your way in.
I’ll admit it. I might be a sophomore in college, but that doesn’t change the fact that high school still remains etched in my brain. Everyone talks about how students being bullied are a problem that must be dealt with, but no one seems to realize the students that are blatantly cast aside and ignored. As seen with Dan in Gossip Girl, through no fault of their own, some people just don’t fit in.
And as such, I can’t help but think but think back my senior year of high school in the beginning of May when seniors only happened to have two weeks until they would leave on senior internships. I mean, they might as well put up barbed wire and put jail cells in the school. But the sad thing is no one warns you that the friends that you’ve known since elementary school and middle school might suddenly drift away/ditch you and that you will have to make new friends.
I saw my old friends sitting down in the hallway and a couple of new people that were added to the group. I couldn’t help but be envious of the new people that my previous friends were now acquainted with. It just wasn’t right that I was replaced. It really was unfathomable how they could just sit there having a great time while they were oblivious to what they did. All I want to do is say something, but somehow the words escaped me. It really would have been nice if I could have worked up the courage to tell my former friends what they did was wrong and that they should be ashamed of themselves. I mean it’s one thing to say making new friends is inevitable but there’s nothing wrong with also keeping in touch with the friends that you already have. It’s just not right for people to be disposable and feel like that they have been left behind.
I also can’t help but think about my high school graduation at West Conn’s O’Neil Center in Danbury, where the graduation was held. The place was engulfed with black graduation caps and gowns. I didn’t really pay much attention though. The only aspect that felt relevant was how the valedictorian said how everyone will be off to bigger and better things. It just felt so awful to sit there; I had an uneasy feeling in my stomach at the thought of not fitting in, not to mention that the last four years felt like a waste. Sure, you can have a couple of really good friends, but that doesn’t completely take the sting out of always feeling out of a place.
Ultimately, the old mantra “life isn’t fair” may be true, but it certainly does not excuse the fact that high school was and probably will always be hell for some.
Wednesday September 5, 2013. I’m at FDU’s Club Fair. I see a lot of people who are scattered about in different places and a lump formed in my throat as I stood there as an observer, i.e. as with Gossip Girl, an outsider who wants nothing more than to be an insider. I have no doubt about the fact that people at FDU are genuine and kind, but I still can’t shake the feeling that the people who were popular in high school will continue to be popular in college while the people who weren’t popular in high school will continue to play the same role.
So yeah, I definitely have a Dan Humphrey complex. There’s the issue of not wanting to be an outsider and the fact that I want to be a writer. The one silver lining? It is great fodder for my writing…